This is from a video someone recorded on an airplane. All I did was transcribe it. I was mesmerized by this woman’s obtuseness. It would make for a compelling short film. Of course it’s already a compelling short film, but I mean with actors.
BABY ON BOARD
INTERIOR, COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE. The POV is from an aisle seat on the left side of the airplane looking across the aisle at the three seats on the right side. The POV does not change. In the aisle seat, is DANA young mother, military, dressed in camo fatigues and face mask holding a baby entirely wrapped in a blanket. We never see the actual baby. An empty seat separates her from MONICA, the woman in the window seat, attractive blond thirty-ish wearing business clothes. Person in chair in front of DANA.
The steward, a forty-something man walks toward back of plane. Everyone is wearing a face mask except MONICA.
MONICA
I don’t want to be here. Sir!
DANA
It’s gonna be okay.
MONICA
No it’s not. They always scream on a plane.
DANA
Will you please put your mask up?
MONICA
No. I’m sorry. I paid a lot of money for
for this seat.
DANA
You’re gonna wake up the baby and she’s
fine right now. It’s only one hour. Put
your mask up please.
MONICA
Once we get up in the air I know babies
start to cry. Would you please move to
another seat.
DANA
Ma’am, I’m holding the baby so you won’t wake
her up. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.
She was awake earlier, she’s nice and asleep
now. It’s going to be okay.
STEWARD walks by.
MONICA
Excuse me.
MONICA repeatedly hits the call button. STEWARD returns.
MONICA
Hi. Hi. You walked away from me when
I was talking to you.
STEWARD
I was doing my job.
MONICA
Your job right now is to make the customers
happy and I’m not happy.
STEWARD
Put your mask up. I’m not going to
tell you again. Put your ask up. There’s
a mandate.
MONICA puts mask up.
MONICA
Can you please move her to another
seat, maybe next to someone else
with a child. That would be the
respectful thing to do.
DANA
You’re going to wake her up. It’s
going to be okay.
MONICA pulls down mask.
MONICA
She’s going to wake up, she’s gonna
scream and cry. It happens every time.
STEWARD passes.
DANA
Sir, she doesn’t have her mask on.
STEWARD
Ma’am, I’m not going to tell you again.
Put your mask up or I’ll remove you from
the plane.
MONICA
You don’t seem to be listening to me, and
hearing me, so I’m taking my mask down so
you can understand what I’m saying.
DANA
It’s going to be okay. You’re actually
going to wake her up. Just sit back,
relax, the flight is about to take off.
MONICA
I don’t understand how you can sit here
and say that when you know it’s not true.
DANA
Listen. She’s a good baby. She’ll be fine.
MONICA
There is no good baby or bad baby. I do not
want to sit next to a baby.
DANA
Can you just have the mask…
MONICA
You understand, right?
DANA (to steward)
Could you just have her put the mask up?
STEWARD
Put your mask up. I’m not telling you again.
MONICA
When I put it on, you can’t read my lips
STEWARD
I can hear you loud and clear. You’re going to
wake up the child. It’s a short flight.
MONICA puts on mask.
STEWARD
Thank you.
MONICA
I will buy this entire row.
DANA
Oh my god..
MONICA
I don’t understand. There are other seats
available. Are you trying...are you trying…
DANA
Are you still going on? If you would please
just relax a little bit...it’s okay. She’s asleep.
MONICA (plaintively)
I work really hard for long hours and I
need to sleep on this plane!
DANA
She will sleep on this plane. Just let her
sleep on this plane too, please.
MONICA lowers her mask.
MONICA
No.
DANA
Can you have the mask up please?
MONICA raises mask.
MONICA
Okay. The mask is up. Will you please move
now? I am doing what you asked me to do, you
can do what I asked you to do.
DANA
Listen. You're going to wake her up. I
bought this seat. I'm assigned to this seat.
I'm sorry.
MONICA
Well I see a seat over there. Why don't you
just go over there?
MONICA lowers her mask and jabs the call button repeatedly, maniacally.
MONICA
Honestly. Honestly. Come on.
STEWARD returns.
MONICA
Sir. \
STEWARD
You need to sit down and fasten your
seatbelt.
MONICA
I'm not gonna sit down.
STEWARD
Sit down now. I'm not going to do
anything about the child. Sit down.
Fasten your seatbelt.
MONICA
She's not even trying to work with
the situation, and neither are you.
It's unreasonable.
STEWARD
You're the one that's unreasonable. Now
sit down. You purchased this seat.
MONICA
I will purchase the entire row!
MAN DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF DANA turns around.
MAN
Ma'am, you owe this woman an apology.
You are something else.
MAN gets up to move to another seat.
STEWARD
Sir, may I see your ticket?
DANA
She's about to wake up. Can we just...it's
an hour and a half flight.
MONICA
She will scream the entire flight.
DANA
She won't scream.
STEWARD (to MONICA)
Ma'am, you need to sit down.
MONICA (lowers mask)
No. I'm sick of being told to sit down.
Nobody's helping me.
STEWARD pulls out phone.
STEWARD
Can I get a marshall?
MONICA
Excuse me? Excuse me?
STEWARD
Sit down or they're coming.
MONICA
I am a customer. I was told that the customer comes first.
STEWARD
Sit down and pull up your mask.
MONICA
Get out of my face. Please get out of\
my face.
STEWARD
Put the mask up and sit down.
MONICA
Please...
STEWARD
You are violating federal aviation...
MONICA
Get out of my face!
STEWARD
...administration rules. I will remove you
from the plane. Sit down!
MONICA
This is absolutely ridiculous. This is ridiculous!
STEWARD
Sit down!
MONICA
No!
STEWARD
Ma'am, sit down now!
MONICA
Nobody wants to sit next to that baby.
Nobody. Everybody over here's rolling
their eyes, they don't want...
STEWARD
Sit down!
MONICA
Please call the marshall. I'd like to speakers
to the marshall.
DANA
I don't understand why you are allowing
this to happen. You're lucky she's a deep
sleeper. You're upsetting me. I've had a
long day.
MONICA
You're upsetting me right now. Okay? You
are upsetting me. (Weeps) This is not fair,
okay? I asked you to just please go somewhere
else and be respectful and you cannot even
be respectful. I just don't understand. I DON'T
UNDERSTAND! IT'S NOT FAIR!
DANA
I'm having to hold my baby's ears to not hear your
loud voice. You're gonna wake her up.
MONICA
We all know what's gonna happen when the plane
takes off. I've asked you...
STEWARD returns.
STEWARD
Ma'am, I can hear you in the back of the plane.
DANA
Her mask is down again.
STEWARD
Put your mask up.
MONICA
I'm having a really bad day...and all I'm
asking...
STEWARD
Obviously. And it's about to get worse.
MONICA
This is a simple, simple request...I DO NOT
UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE IS
GANGING UP ON ME.
STEWARD
Put your mask on, sit back, fasten your
seatbelt.
MONICA
I just don't understand! Sir! I've asked one
simple thing and it is not fair...
STEWARD
Last time.
MONICA
I'm putting my mask up! My mask is up!
STEWARD
Will you fasten your seatbelt? Are you a child?
This child is what? Six months old? She's
behaving much better than you.
MONICA pulls mask down.
MONICA
And they're gonna go up, and she's gonna scream,
and everyone knows I'm right. Every person here
knows I'm right!
STEWARD
Put your bag under the seat, fasten your seatbelt, and
keep your mask on.
MONICA
My mask is up. There's something a soldier...I'd think
you'd care about, but obviously you do not.
MONICA pulls mask down.
Do not claim to represent this country when
you do not even care about rights.
DANA
Would you put your mask up?
MONICA
I don't need to put my mask up. I just need
you to move to another seat.
DANA
Shhh...shhh. You're gonna wake her up. Please.
I'm begging you. We're about to take off.
MONICA
Just get up and move. There are empty seats.
DANA
This is my seat. I paid for it. This is my seat.
MONICA
I paid for this seat and I have the right to a
pleasant flight so I can sleep, 'cause I work
reaaly really hard. Okay? Really really hard.
DANA
Her eyes are opening now so wide. It's
hurting me to see...
MONICA mask down maniacally jabs call button.
STEWARD
Stop. Stop.
DANA
Please put your mask on.
MONICA
This is the last time I'm going to ask
you to do the right thing.
STEWARD
I am doing the right thing.
MONICA pulls mask down.
MONICA
I'm asking you nicely now. I'm calm.
Look me in tye ehes. See how important
this is. Please, can you please move her away
into an empty seat?
STEWARD
I'm not moving her. I'm not moving you.
Fasten your seatbelt. Put your mask up.
MONICA raises mask.
MONICA
My mask is up, okay?
STEWARD
Fasten your seatbelt. Let's go.
MONICA (incredulous)
You're not gonna move her?!
STEWARD
Take the left seatbelt buckle and the right
one and put them together.
MONICA
Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.
STEWARD
You're acting like an idiot, so that's
how I'm going to speak to you.
MONICA pulls mask down.
MONICA
I am not an idiot. I am a very, very
educated woman.
STEWARD
Mask up.
MONICA
I'm educated about my rights.
STEWARD indicates DANA
STEWARD
Her right is to sit in the seat because
she paid money for it.
MONICA
She brought an extra person!
PASSENGERS get upset.
MAN
AGHH! AGHH!
MAN
BOOOO!
MONICA
I don't even want to hear that.
MAN
Yeah, lady, can you keep it down?
MAN
My god. Just shut up.
MONICA
I'm sorry. No. This is absolutely ridiculous.
MONICA looks straight at camera.
MONICA
Are you filming me?
MAN
Yeah, I'm filming. Yeah.
STEWARD
Everyone is. Look.
MONICA
Everyone here! You know you don't want to
sit next to a screaming baby. You know it!
Stop pretending this is my problem!
STEWARD
Sit down and fasten your seatbelt.
MONICA pulls out phone.
MONICA
I'm not gonna sit down. I'm gonna film you.
MAN
Ohhh. Wow.
STEWARD
You can film me all you want. Sit down.
Pull your mask up. \
MONICA
I'm filming you. You called me an idiot. I'm
sending this to the airlie and I'm gonna see
what they have to say about it.
STEWARD
Sit down. As soon as we land...
MONICA
I made an absolutely simple request which
you...you refuse to do one simple, respectful
thing for one of your paying customers.
STEWARD
Respectful is sitting down, fastening your seatbelt,
and pulling up your mask.
MAN (off camera)
Good lord.
PEOPLE (off camera)
THROW HER OFF THE PLANE! THROW
HER OFF THE PLANE!
MONICA
I'm an American and I have rights! I don't
understand this...
STEWARD
Sit down.
MONICA
No, I will not sit down. You're going to
have to haul me off this plane.
STEWARD walks toward front of plane.
MONICA
I feel like I'm going crazy.
MAN (off camera)
You are crazy, lady.
MONICA
Everybody knows they don't want to sit next to the
baby. I'm not the crazy one. You know what? You
guys all deserve whatev'ers coming to you. I'm
gonna send this in, I'm sending the footage, I'm
watching you film.
STEWARD retirms wotj SECURITY MAN.
SECURITY
Ma'am.
STEWARD (to DANA)
Will you step out for a minute?
MONICA
You're gonna move her now?!
SECURITY
We're moving you. Yes. Come right this way.
Do you have a carry on?
MONICA
I'm not getting off this plane.
SECURITY
You have until the count of three to move
into the aisle.
MONICA
I am not a child!
SECURITY
One...two...
MONICA
This is not fair!
SECURITY grabs Monica by wrist.
SECURITY
Three.
MONICA
Do not touch me!
CROWD (off camera)
Ooooh!
MONICA (hysterical)
You're touching me! You're hurting me!
CROWD (Off camera)
You're not hurt at all.
SECURITY drags MONICA off plane. CROWD erupts.
MAN (off camera)
Bye, Felicia!